Saturday, September 29, 2012

Not so fearless

Okay, I confess, there is one thing that terrifies me:  happiness.

Or more precisely, the need for happiness.  It is in the pursuit of happiness or to attempt to avoid losing current happiness that nearly all crimes or 'sins' have been committed.

Happiness is a high, a great feeling that makes you temporarily forget all your woes, that tints your glasses rose colored and shrinks your perspective to the dimensions of your elation.  It is the most addictive substance on earth, and is available to everyone in the world.

But, like all addictive substances, it has its price.  Some lucky ones get it 'on the house', but many others have to fight for it, have to sacrifice other things for it, other parts of their lives, other parts of who they are.  And that...that last one, is the thing I am most afraid of.  I don't know if I believe in a 'soul' in the conventional sense, but if I think of a 'soul' as the parts of me that are the essence, the necessary and sufficient aspects that make me who I am, then I am afraid of wanting to 'sell out my soul' for happiness.

One example of this is what I style my "Mary-Jane Watson phobia" fear of being, or at least, believing you are so in love with someone that you are willing to give up your unique kickass gift and the responsibilities that come with it for them, like Peter Parker was willing to in Spider-man 2.  Sure, being Spider-man was hard, but it was also, well, amazing.  Being the best you can be, being the person only you can be, living up to your unique potential (yes, there's that term again ;)), that is what I believe in, and I never want to stop, in the pursuit of happiness or otherwise.

No comments:

Post a Comment